You can achieve anything you set your mind to. The key is setting your mind up for success by keeping your thoughts positive so you can move confidently forward.
Keeping your thoughts positive is easier said than done. Most of us our plagued by negative, limiting thoughts and beliefs like:
I’m not good enough.
I’ll never be successful.
No one loves me.
And no matter how much we push those thoughts out of our heads, like the monster in a horror film that won’t die, they keep coming back. All those negative thoughts stress us out, sap our self-confidence and keep us stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy that creates exactly the future we don’t won’t.
We rely a lot on our thoughts. They tell us who we are and how we should live. But here’s the thing about thoughts, they’re just words inside your head. Stories you tell yourself about your life. However, when you pay attention to and believe the negative ones – reacting to them as if they’re the absolute truth – you get weighed down and feel unhappy.
It’s not the thoughts that pass through your head that impact your life; its the ones you take ownership of & think about all day long. —Michael Neill
While we think lack of opportunity, support, time or money hold us back, negative thoughts and beliefs are the number one thing that keeps us stuck in reverse and prevents us from creating a life we love. Fortunately, you can free your mind by using one of the following techniques from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).
- STOP
When you notice yourself getting swept away by your internal drama of thoughts, beliefs & emotions, STOP and recognize that this is happening. To empower yourself, imagine a big red stop sign, hold out your hand in the universal gesture of stop or say stop silently or out loud.
Once you’ve identified a limiting thought ask yourself a few questions:
Is this really true?
Who did I learn this from?
How does this thought make me feel and behave?
Who would I be and how would I feel with out it?
Is it keeping me from living the life I deserve and desire?
Then turn the belief around by creating a positive belief to replace your negative one.
- Step Back
The next time you have a negative thought focus on it for a few seconds. Then insert the phrase:
I’m having the thought that I am…
Notice how you feel? Now take it one step further and insert the phrase:
I notice I’m having the thought that I am…
What does that feel like?
- Silly Songs
This is one of my favorite techniques. It’s fun and great to use with kids and will help you to see how ridiculous your negative beliefs can be. Start by recalling a judgmental thought you tell yourself frequently. For example:
No one loves me.
I’m such a loser.
Notice how the thought makes you feel. Using a familiar jingle such as Row, Row, Row Your Boat or Happy Birthday sing the thought to yourself. Yes, you’ll probably feel silly. That’s the point. Notice how this technique puts a smile on your face and diffuses the thought.
When my daughter, Aly was going through puberty she experienced negative body image and was plagued by the thought “I’m fat.” Singing “I’m fat” to Frere Jacque helped her see how ridiculous her thought was and completely freed her from this harmful thought.
Having negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs is completely normal and natural. We all have them. In fact, studies show that about 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. However you don’t have to take your thoughts or yourself so seriously. Rather than fighting your thoughts just diffuse them, replace them with positive thoughts and then channel your energy into activities you value. Disempowering your negative thoughts is an act of self-compassion.
Change your thoughts and you change your world. — Norman Vincent Peale
Need help breaking free from limiting thoughts & beliefs? Contact me to schedule a FREE Free Your Mind coaching session. Click HERE
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Amazing how I have become such a positive person when this feeling always came difficultly. I had a hard time feeling positive at first. I had too many negatives self imposed in my body and brain. So I began reading simple, positive affirmations and before long learned to count my blessings. Not long after practicing this, I began to expand my blessings to be grateful for. I mean I was counting everything from the new job to each sunny day and a healthy meal. I began to see more each day to be grateful for…our beautiful finches that we feed, the tiny wonders of nature like raising catarpillars to watch them morph into beautiful butterflies. I was counting more blessings each day…my wonderful husband, my son, my father, my extended family and friends, all the wonderful things I have in my life….
Being grateful is now how I start my day which is easy now and brings me so much daily joy. I am even grateful for blessings I have not yet received. I read all kinds of wonderful affirmations each day that I have discovered via facebook of all things.
I have become a very positive person. However, I still have my issues to work on. My self-limiting thoughts and feelings have been so deeply rooted since childhood. But I’m getting there. I am very patient and I have faith.
I love to read articles such as this to reaffirm what I already know and to teach me something new as well.
Thank you so much for all your postings!
My pleasure, Emmie. Thank you for sharing your story. Love hearing stories about transformation. Question everything and keep working on those self-limiting thoughts and feelings. It’s great that you’re noticing them. My best, Dr. Ellen